This is how I feel right now. The last few weeks, I've been so exhausted, that the thought of even walking upstairs to get into bed seems daunting.
Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year. I loved spending a ridiculous amount of time with my family. I loved the joy of baking all day in a warm kitchen having a sing-along to Christmas music with my Mom. I loved trekking to Stew Leonard's to pick out the perfect Christmas trees. I loved getting up early on Christmas morning and making breakfast with my brother before we opened presents. I just loved that Christmas meant family time.
Working retail has killed all of those joyous moments for me. I no longer get that cheery feeling when we go pick out trees. I don't get the time off to bake endless cookies with Momma. I do all of my shopping online because the thought of being at a mall on my day off is disgusting. I'm too tired to sit up and watch old Christmas movies with my family. It makes me sad.
This year though, seems to be a little different. There was no time to even let myself get excited for Christmas. With Thanksgiving falling so late in the month, Christmas really crept up on me. Then Momma landed in the hospital and any and all preparations were put on hold. The Christmas trees were undecorated for over a week. Zero presents had been purchased. Dad and I shuffled back and forth to the hospital before and after work. Even when she was released, no one would let her lift a finger, and Dad and I took on all of the housework, as well as lending a much bigger hand with the Christmas prep. I was in overdrive. I would get in the shower each morning and couldn't believe how quickly each day had gone by, and I felt as though nothing had gotten done.
Today is Christmas Eve Eve. Tomorrow, I will get up before the sun, and be at work to help everyone else pick out the perfect gifts for their families. Around dinner time, I'll finally be able to go home and spend a mere 24 hours with them before being back at it at 7am on the 26th. I find myself wanting to cram so much into that time. I want to be excited about waking up on Christmas morning and cooking. I find myself scrambling to get into the holiday spirit this year, and the only way that I think I can overcome this is to immerse myself in Christmas themed things constantly for the next 72 hours.
Elf is about to enter the DVD player on a 24 hour loop. I will be eating Christmas cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and be hitting the gym hard on the 26th). I'm going to deck myself out in tartan for work. I am going to be excited to wake up on Christmas.
I am not going to let working retail ruin Christmas again!